And yes, most of them aren't making me feel good about me, most of them are in fact doing the opposite. I could list all the things that are going on in my head, but I don't feel like wasting your time, cause well you probably aren't interested in them, nor do I feel like iterating over them an additional time today, I've already thought about it enough.
If I were to list them out it would probably look something like this...
- Reason 1
- Reason 2
- Reason 3
- ...
.
.
.
.
1000000. Reason 1 million
But that is not what I'm hear to do.
While it may appear that I'm fine on the outside, that I'm perfectly fine, that I'm enjoying life and happy and doing all the happy people things. In reality, it is the exact opposite, I hate doing anything, I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning, and well, I just hate me right now. Probably a fair portion of it is school, but I also know that at least half is the things running around in my head...
If you ask if I'm okay, of course I'm going to say I am, why would I admit other wise? I've always been the rock for you, the strength you could rely on when you were stressed out or worrying about something. I'm not going to give that up, its all I have left, and I don't really have that anymore. This semester I've spent holed up in my apartment, I haven't seen many people. In fact the only person I see on a regular basis is my room mate and the people I see in class.. Other than that, I spend probably 90% of my not in class time in my room.. I can't really even leave it, nor do I want to.
So if you ask me if I'm fine, I'll reply I'm peachy.
If you ask how my life is, I'll reply its going and moving along pretty well.
If you ask what I've done recently, I'll reply mostly working on school but getting out when I can.
If you want to know what my heart says, I'll reply its beating along, doing its job quite dandy.
If you ask me why my heart and head hurts, I'll just shut down like a computer, nothing more to see here.
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